Review: National Haunters Convention

I attended the National Haunters Convention yesterday in Oak, PA, and was hugely disappointed by the show. The venue seemed smaller, the vendors fewer, and the supposed highlights of the event -- two on-site haunted attractions -- were a joke.

Part of the problem was likely due to Hauntcon being scheduled for the same weekend in western Pennsylvania. While I had considered attending the show, the six hour drive wasn't all that appealing and from what I heard from people who went to that show instead of NHC it wasn't all that much different there.

According to rumors that have trickled their way down to me -- and I'm way, way, way down on the list of "need to know" people, so it's like the old game of "Telephone" you'd play in school, a lot gets lost in the translation -- Hauntcon deliberately scheduled its show the same weekend as NHC in an effort to cripple the show. Regardless of whether it's true or not, it seems both shows ended up getting shot in the foot.

But NHC had its own problems that went just beyond the torn loyalties of vendors who would have had to choose one show or the other (and it seemed many chose "the other"), National Haunters Convention did the worst thing a company could: it over-promised and under-delivered.

As disappointed as I was with the vendors that were there (and I did buy some stuff at the show, but shockingly no one was selling air cylinders at the show and that was one thing I had hoped to buy), I can give NHC a pass on that, though I think it speaks volumes about which show the vendors thought was the more important one. What I can't forgive is the sloppy way NHC handled its marketing.

They made a big deal of having two haunted attractions on the show floor that were going to be run by The Psycho Trail, which bills itself as the best haunted house in South Jersey. There were going to be zombies and clowns around every corner with thrills, chills, and excitement. We'd laugh, we'd cry, we'd come back for more!

Um, no.

First, thank goodness I didn't have to pay to go through owing to having subscribed to Hauntcast. However, because the haunts were so lame, I don't think they were charging anyone. Good thing.

The first was a maze of chain link fencing. Since the top was open and the convention hall lights were on you could see right through from one end of the maze to the other. What you could also see was there were no actors and no props. Seriously, you were walking through a "maze" (and I'm being charitable describing it as such) and there was nothing to see. I do recall they had a metal shelving unit tipped over in one area and that was about it. Oh, and a couple of plastic things that may have been barrels cut lengthwise in half. It really looked like they had gone into the storeroom of the convention center and found some stuff not being used and threw it here and there.

Oh, and we were "attacked" by zombies: a cute teen girl and her 7-year old brother dressed inexplicably as a cop who jumped on a section of fence. We then asked him to go run and jump on the fence again so Joiseygal could vlog it. That was it.

The next haunt was the clown haunt. I have no idea what they were thinking. A couple of plastic masks were hung on the wall and hit with fluorescent paint was the extent of the decor, but because it was again an open haunt the paint had zero effect as you'd expect. And they did some imaginative work with Great Stuff (okay, snark has been turned off): on the horizontal 2x4's that held up the maze walls, they made long lines with the expanding foam and spray painted it orange. But only for 2 or 3 walls and they either ran out of got tired. Seriously, that was the extent of the decor. Okay, they did have Chuckles the Clown sitting in one room.

One section had some PVC cages in it, but no actors in there (note to Dave from Pandemic Cemetery...do not touch the props in such a lame haunt, they will come off in your hands!). There was one clown -- I think she might have been the older sister to the other two "actors" -- who popped in here and there with a whoopee horn she blew every now and then. She did tell us to come back in October as it was going to be better then. Well, it couldn't possibly have been worse.

Although I bought a couple of things at the show, I didn't spending much money there because there wasn't anything really all that interesting -- or affordable for the stuff I was interested in. I bought a prop mask and some small body parts, but only because they were $1 each, and some Foam Coat from Hot Wire Foam Factory. Dave (who also puts on the awesome Dead with Dave show on YouTube) highly recommends it for coating foam props so a small, 3-lb container that cost $10 seemed worth it. I also bought a doll that reminded me of the La Santa Muerte dolls I wrote about last month. It was definitely overpriced for how it was constructed but I knew my wife would like it.

Some of the static props from one of the vendors looked like low quality stuff. Although their animatronic ones had some good movement to them, I'm pretty sure I could replicate for $20 what they were trying to sell for $400. All Scares was also there with their hydraulic props and while very cool and professional, it's just out of my league.

We did manage to come across one vendor, an author hawking his books, who managed to insult my friend's wife even while complimenting her. He told her she had pretty hair and bright eyes, but was coasting through life because of her looks. He then told her she was psychologically crippled because she read books for information and education, not for simple pleasure reading (she's a special ed teacher). Okay, way to go with turning off potential customers!

We did watch some of the "makeup wars" they had going on, and that was interesting too, though some artists were definitely more talented than others. I didn't attend any of the classes there, though I did get to meet Allen Hopps of Stilt Beast Studios. I admire his artistic talents a lot and it was fun to be able to meet in person people you see regularly online ("It's YouTube Wednesday!").

So in short, it was a huge disappointment and I won't be attending NHC again anytime soon. Sure some of the show's shortcomings were the result of a rumored personality conflict between the two haunt show owners, but NHC shouldn't have promised attendees they would be geting so much more for their money when in fact they would be getting a whole lot less.

I'm not sure I'm going to go to Hauntcon either in the future, if for no other reason than if the rumors are true, than that wouldn't be a show I'd want to support with my money. Both shows could have been good for their attendees (that's what it's supposed to be about, right?) and probably profitable for both, had not one or the other had too big of an ego.

While these shows are supposedly geared more for the home haunter, there really wasn't anything to suggest that at NHC this year, so I guess it comes down to it that if you're going to go to a haunt show, just save your pennies and go to Transworld.

Brighton Asylum

I just got back from going through the Brighton Asylum in Passaic, NJ, and it was well worth the $20 admission. From the decor to the actors to the length of the haunt it was an all around good show.

First off, the haunt is in an industrial area of the town, apparently an abandoned factory. Driving through there at night was creepy enough and certainly set the mood. There was plenty of parking (it wasn't crowded at all -- probably its location) and there were helpful (and friendly!) attendants guiding you through. There was also a police presence too to ensure everyone's safety.

The haunt starts off with a small tour of their "museum," of props and artifacts that have appeared in various movies. You then go into the asylum, and right from the get-go, my wife was terrified. The doctors that greeted you were appropriately gory, and the one with the pencil sticking out of her head really scared my wife. Lots of twists and turns and different rooms with actors hidden around every corner.

There was lots of eye candy too for the home haunter to absorb. Some rooms were more bare than others, and I probably would have liked every corridor to be chock full of props, but there was definitely enough to entertain me. The actors were also excellent: their timing was good -- even got me once or twice -- and the make was fairly professional.

Now I'll have to make an admission here: a friend of mine from the NJ Make & Take group on HauntForum is an actor at Brighton Asylum, but that didn't color my judgment at all. If the haunt sucked, I would have said so, but it didn't.

Walking through the haunt, though, I heard an actor working on two women in front of us and I knew that voice. It was Sharon! She has her own haunt too, Bloodcrest Manor, and goes by the name Joiseygal, but tonight she was in full clown regalia. Great job, Sharon!

The haunt had a Claustrophobia run as well, and it must have been one of the big ones because my wife couldn't wait to get out of there. She was really getting claustrophobic and kept asking when is it going to end? Rooms with clowns, rooms with body bags, hanging creepiness, and more! There was a lot to take in. And as I said, it was a fairly long haunt which to me was a positive; to my wife, not so  much. There were plenty of pop up scares, actor scares, and sensory scares (the sparking fuse box was cool).

All in all I really can recommend the Brighton Asylum. Now it does have a sister haunt, a Field of Screams Horror Hayride in Montvale, NJ. Two years ago I attended that one, which was something of a mix of the two and had enjoyed it at the time. Since my wife prefers hayrides (I don't) we'll probably end up going there as well before the end of the month.

Tickets to the Asylum are $20 and $15 for the Hayride. A Combo ticket runs just $27, and if I'm not mistaken you don't have to go to both on the same night. Any time they're open you can use them. So if you have an opportunity to choose a haunt to attend, I can recommend Brighton Asylum.

A Critical Eye

I received an email the other day from the producer of an indie film called "All God's Creatures," which apparently is an official selection of the 2011 Hoboken International Film Festival. The movie's world premiere is being held in Teaneck on June 4, and they've invited me to a screening of the show. Seeing as it's in my hometown, I can't pass up the chance.

From the email, the movie is "a dark love story about a young serial killer, Jon Smith, and a young prostitute, Delia Maitlin, who unintentionally and unexpectedly find love; a very dangerous love." Interesting premise.

It was shot on a budget of $25,000 but the trailers seem to have some good production values to them. In the site's main trailer (sorry, they don't have an embed code) the first clip is accompanied by one of the movie's signature soundtracks, "Ted Bundy Was a Lady's Man" by Des Roar, and it's actually pretty catchy. 

While I've accepted the invitation, I haven't as yet heard back from them so maybe they've decided against it. We'll see, but I'd be interested in seeing the movie. So long as they don't expect rave reviews simply for inviting me. I can't be bought (yeah right!). If I hear back from them I'll do a complete review.

Review: Devil

When I first heard M. Night Shyamalan was coming out with a new movie, my first reaction was...yawn! I haven't liked a movie of his since The Sixth Sense, and even then I was underwhelmed. At the time I didn't realize what the problem was but having been punished enough by sitting through a few of his films, I've found he has good ideas for movies, he just doesn't have the talent to complete them.

I actually had no intention of seeing Devil, at least not paying full price for it (and FWIW, I didn't pay this time either; Optimum's Triple Play gives you free movie tickets on Tuesday nights). Yet I heard that Shyamalan really had nothing to do with this film other than the concept. Cool! That's just what I could go for: a decent concept with a director who could pull it together.

As you've probably seen from the trailers, five people are stranded in an elevator one of whom is apparently the devil. It's a pretty good movie, not great, as it kept me entertained trying to guess who was who and why they were in the elevator.

There was a 2007 movie called Blackout, which wasn't a horror movie (more of a thriller) about three people stuck in an elevator and it's ultimately revealed one of them is actually a murderer. Told mostly in flashback that movie was actually a better film than Devil, but I enjoyed Devil nonetheless for the most part.

Like Blackout, however, you start off wondering how they're going to sustain a film for an hour and a half with everyone just stuck in an elevator, but they created enough suspense to keep you watching. I'm always left wondering though why these supernatural beings go through the process of killing everyone one at a time when they could just as easily taken the whole bunch out. And why does a malevolent spirit need to be creative in the way s/he kills a person? Can't they do it the same way each time? Of course, you wouldn't have a movie if that was the case, but it always jars me out of my willing suspension of disbelief.

In Devil there were no real scares. Only when the Evil One was ultimately revealed did anyone in the theater scream, but I'm actually not sure why. The ending of the film veered very close to the edge of a Shymalan buzz kill but managed to keep itself from going over. If you can't get to the movies, don't sweat it, you won't be missing all that much and renting it for $1 at Redbox is better than paying full price for it. It's an okay movie, just not a great one.

Review: Deadgirl

Growing up is never easy when you're an outcast. School's a drag, the top jock dates the girl who at 12  gave you your first kiss, and your home life is ruled by a drunk leaching off your mom. Your only friends are losers just like you.

But what if you and your friends found something that could change all that? Where it didn't matter who you were or where you came from? What if you could have all your desires fulfilled? Would you grab at the chance?

That's the dilemma facing Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) and JT (Noah Segan) in Deadgirl, a surprisingly well-made and well-acted "coming of age" film about two high school social misfits who decide to skip school and hang out inside an abandoned mental asylum. After being chased by a vicious dog into a basement room, they find what appears to be a dead girl chained completely nude to a gurney. Scared the killer is still nearby they're startled to see the girl breathe.

That sets up their first dilemma: do they free her and call the police, as Rickie wants to do, or do they use her for their own carnal pleasure, as JT argues they should? Rickie flees horrified as JT moves to act out his desires.


The next day JT persuades Rickie to return, that there's something he needs to see, that it can't be explained. As they approach the room, JT tells Rickie of his sexual exploits with the girl, but in a rage after she tried to bite him, he killed her. JT then takes a gun from Rickie and pumps three bullets into the girl. "I killed her three times," JT tells Rickie. The dead girl, it seems, is not dead at all. She's undead.

The movie slips into a bit of "zombie porn" (but it's tastefully done!) and there's definitely some humor to it. As I've mentioned in previous reviews, I don't like comedy in my horror movies; I want the subject matter treated with the respect it deserves. Deadgirl keeps the humor in line with the movie, and while there are certain cliche parts, as should be expected with any teen angst tale, it really took the zombie genre in a different direction.



Now before you rush out and rent it, you should be forewarned that if you're the least bit prudish you probably don't want to watch this. There is definitely deviant sexual behavior displayed, but in the scheme of the movie the necrophilia (or is that un-necrophilia?) is not gratuitous. The plot is original and the ending, while not predictable, is not much of a surprise either.

It is a story with moral implications about how far you are willing to take your friendship and stretch your own ethical code. It's not a movie for everyone, but for a movie with an apparently miniscule budget, the cinematographer did a heckuva job making it look good. It's controversial, as the bondage, physical and sexual assault, not to mention the necrophilia, will turn some (a lot of) people off. But then again, I liked Human Centipede, which also seemed to freak a lot of people out. This is an intelligent zombie movie and worth viewing if you're not to squeamish about immoral behavior.

Review: The Human Centipede

There have been some sick and twisted movies made (and I love 'em all!) but The Human Centipede might beat them all for its warped and demented distortion of the crazed doctor genre.

This is not Saw -- the original, and not its derivative sequels -- which provided at the time a unique twist on what you thought you were seeing, and which spawned a never-ending variety of ripoffs. It's not Hostel, which was also a unique vision of torture amped up to a higher plane. The Human Centipede simply ups the quotient of "Holy crap! Did they just do that?" to a new level and for fans of extreme horror (is it horror? I'm not even sure, but it doesn't matter), this is just one of those movies you must go watch by any means possible.

Two American girls on vacation in Germany break down in a deserted area. So far, mundane enough as plot builders go, and their salvation at the house of Dr. Heiter who lives far removed from civilization is a pretty well-worn, conventional plot device for horror film fare. Where the movie seeks to differentiate itself from other similar films is what it proposes to do.

Dr. Heiter, a renown surgeon specializing in the separating of Siamese twins (check out his living room art), now wants to join people together instead of taking them apart. We're not given a reason for his desire. There is no "why" for his ambitions. What we are given is fetishism revealed in a new light. Dr. Heiter's greatest desire is to conjoin humans mouth-to-anus with their digestive tracts combined. His patients knees are then removed to prevent them from standing up and their mobility is reduced to a hands-and-knees crawling existence, like a human centipede. Think of it as Frankenstein on steroids, using the human body to create a new, living thing.

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When you consider the typical slasher horror movie, The Human Centipede is different. We're not witness to high body counts, buckets of blood, unstoppable killers, or gore. But if you were sickened by the video Two Girls, One Cup yet watched it anyway, then you can imagine what The Human Centipede descends too.

When the lead section of the centipede, a Japanese tourist kidnapped for the purpose of bringing the hideous creation to life, has to make a bowel movement, the terror on the girl's face in the middle as she realizes what's about to occur, is palpable. Dr. Heiter's comment, "Yes! Feed her,"is diabolically evil, every bit as much as Dr. Frankenstein's signature exclamation, "It's alive!" particularly because he has placed her in that exact middle position as punishment for her attempted escape.

The movie has its cliches: the near escape, the cops who almost discover the plot, the operating room-in -the-basement. But you manage to forget all that because the plot device itself is so monstrous. Even so, The Human Centipede is a well-made movie, with good acting and cinematography. Maybe that makes it worse. This is no shot-on-video schlock. It is definitely a worthy edition to the extreme horror genre, even if there is a certain element of sadomasochistic porn introduced, which to a certain extent, I guess, all such horror is. Yet, by all means possible, rent this today!

Rich

Review: The Crazies

You're in Iowa, not Mexico, but you still don't want to drink the water. After a plane carrying a new biological weapon called Trixie crashes in the Iowa bayous (yeah, I didn't realize Iowa had such swamps either), the residents of Ogden Marsh start acting downright, well, crazy.

Poor Rory, his house sits first in line to receive the drinking water that meanders from the swamps and he ends up showing up at a Little League game carrying a shotgun. Sheriff Dutton (Timothy Olyphant) is forced to shoot him when Rory pulls the shotgun on him, but that's only just the beginning of The Crazies.

After Bill burns down his house after locking his wife an young son in a hall closet, Dutton; his wife, the town doctor (Radha Mitchell); and Deputy Clark (Joe Anderson, in a bit of very good supporting acting) have a heckuva time trying to survive a town of murderous zombies and a government intent on containing the spread of the contamination.

I'd never seen the original 1973 George Romero movie of the same name, but I understand it's something of a cult classic. It wasn't necessary though, since director Breck Eisner did a capable job of setting a mood and creating enough suspense (and a few jumpy scares). To a certain extent The Crazies didn't tread much new ground here, but it was entertaining enough and the acting was actually very good that I didn't find myself wondering at any point when it was going to be over.

There was enough gore to slake my thirst for it -- the school principal plunging the pitchfork into the chests of several patients tied down on gurneys was perhaps the most graphic part -- yet it was handled well and worked within the confines of the movie's "reality."

The ending was by no means happy, but it leaves open the possibility for a sequel. And from what I understand, one is being planned, particularly in light of the strong box office the movie enjoyed on its opening weekend and the good reviews it has gotten.

When you sit back and think about the movie, it's as I said, not particularly new ground being dug up. What makes it a good movie memorable is the acting. Timothy Olyphant and Joe Anderson turn in excellent performances, completely believable, particularly as you wonder whether Deputy Clark is infected. Since there's a 48-hour incubation period and Clark's actions at times seem erratic, though perfectly understandable given the circumstances, the crescendo builds throughout.

Surprisingly, these are characters you end up caring about, which apparently is a very difficult thing to achieve in horror films these days. All too often the characters are cardboard archetypes and you know almost exactly the order everyone will be killed, and why. Not so with The Crazies. These are distinct personalities with depth that you want to survive, but know in the end not everyone will.

As a result, I give the movie 4 tombstones out of 5.

Review: The Wolfman

I'm sure I'll be chided by The Wolfman fans everywhere, but I thought this latest edition to the genre lacked teeth.

The story is well-known enough by now: Benicio Del Toro as Lawrence Talbot returns to England as an accomplished actor after having been sent away to America as a child following the horror of having witnessed his mother's tragic death. Apparently, he spent some time in an insane asylum too prior to his journey across the pond.

Upon his return, he learns of the ghastly murder of his brother, either at the hands of a madman or the claws of a beast. Seeking to learn more, Del Toro is attacked and wounded by the hell-hound thus setting up his own transformation, which was well done without the theatrics of "An American Werewolf in London." It seemed a convincing transformation and my own fingers felt stiff watching Del Toro's hand wrack into those of a wolf.

The subsequent hunt for the beast and the denouement were all rather predictable, even the plot twist, considering it wasn't much of a twist at all.

It wasn't due to a lack of an adequate set design that the movie failed for me, as Victorian England is most palpable in movie, and I almost expected to see Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes come striding through the fog in his deerstalker. But Hugo Weaving as the Scotland Yard detective Abberline was a sufficient stand in and Anthony Hopkins turned in a fine performance as Sir John Talbot, though sometimes I felt he was acting in a different movie altogether. I think my favorite performance was actually given by Art Malik who played Talbot's manservant Singh.

The movie just felt wooden and while I thought Del Toro's performance as Talbot was credible, as has been expressed in several reviews, it was so understated as to have left the character devoid of emotion after he is marked the curse.

There were predictable scares and jumps, and while many have noted the movie's gore, I really didn't think it was overdone. In fact, considering what was attacking people and the level of decay suffered by Talbot's brother at the outset, I would have expected more (maybe I was secretly hoping for more).

I wanted to like the movie, and I did, I just didn't love it. It was good, not great. My wife, though, enjoyed it more than I did, though I'd also say she wasn't wowed by the experience either. It's probably worthwhile to go see the movie, though I'm glad I was able to see it for free through my Optimum Triple Play Rewards membership. Otherwise I'd recommend waiting for it to hit your Netflix (NFLX) queue or the local Redbox kiosk and rent it for just $1.00.

It gets 3 out of 5 tombstones.

Rich

Review: Mutants

There's nothing like a good zombie flick to bring you closer together with your special someone the night before Valentine's Day, so my wife and I settled onto the couch to watch the French zombie film Mutants. Conveniently it comes with English subtitles.

More and more I'm finding foreign horror films to be just so much better than their American-made counterparts and Mutants did not disappoint. For three quarters or so of the movie, anyway.



We start off in a winter scene where a woman watches as her companion is attacked by zombies before she flees through the woods. She makes it to the roadway where she's met by an ambulance on its way to take a wounded soldier for help. It quickly becomes apparent the soldier is about to "turn" and he's dragged out of the back so his partner -- a woman with the manliest voice I ever heard (actually, my wife and I were debating whether the soldier was a man or woman for a good 5 minutes before the subtitles told us the answer) -- shot him dead.

In need of gas, the ambulance stops at a roadside station and the suspense begins to build. In the end, the ambulance driver, a character named Sonia Duprey (no, that's not why I liked the movie) and her husband/boyfriend Marco make it to this big-ass building in the mountains. Inside it looks something like a hospital but it could be a hotel (some of the outside shots seem to show what look like balconies, but it's got a heckuva lot of medical supplies on hand) where it's revealed Marco has been bitten.

There's a lot of good suspense as you can hear the zombies howl in the wild and the tension builds as Marco pleads to be killed while Sonia wants to save him. After locking him away for his and her own good, the movie falls apart a little.

There's another band or survivors that breaks into the hospital/hotel/refuge and some typical post-apocalyptic characters emerge: the domineering guy who or some reason doesn't think they'll be better off if they help each other to survive; the fawning girlfriend who finds a need to go down on him in the middle of it all; the "crazy" loner; etc.

I found the ending a little predictable, even if it was a little hard to follow the plot development at one point. I'm thinking something got left on the editing room floor that might have explained things a little better. Regardless, considering much of the dreck that's out there these days from American directors, I thought Mutants was a worthwhile effort. Even having to read the subtitles wasn't a distraction from watching the movie.

I'd give it 3 tombstones out of 5.

Rich

Review: The Haunting of Sleepy Hollow

Last night I went on the haunted hayride in Sleepy Hollow, NY. I went with high hopes, though I'm typically not a fan of hayrides. Usually it's a bunch of chainsaw wielding people trying to scare you, which it doesn't, but that's why I had high hopes for "The Haunting of Sleepy Hollow." It would follow the supposed last run of Ichabod Crane as he was chased by the Headless Horseman. As that's always been a favorite tale of mine I thought it might be interesting to see how they adapted it.

The attraction starts at the town's high school, and the organizers had actors in period costume entertaining the crowd. Period costume, yes, but zombified! Certainly within keeping of the Halloween flavor, though the four zombie girls dancing in the center of the gymnasium was interesting. They didn't actually dance, but danced as zombies might. So it was a little bizzare to say the least. They also had a tall witch on stilts who took pictures with those in line.

So let's talk about the line. The attraction opened at 6:00 p.m. but you were forewarned that the hayrides wouldn't begin till 7:00 p.m. We arrived at around 6:50 and while there was a good crowd already there our position on line was about the length of the high school's basketball court. On the way there we had seen about six haywagons roll buy with about 10-15 people in each so I figured we'd have to wait about a half hour to go. Not ideal, but not terrible.

Well it wasn't ideal and it was terrible. We ended up standing in line for a good hour and a half! It seemed to go in spurts. After the first half hour of going nowhere or only inching forward, we suddenly surged ahead and got to about mid-court. I figured we'd be going soon, but that's where things bogged down. We didn't move more than 10 feet for the next hour. Even the VIP line (or RIP line as they called it) was going nowhere. I don't know what the delay was but it became interminable. It was really a horrible time and the music they played was either too loud or had the bass too high because the tunes played were barely discernible. Loud, static-y, bass-filled music while waiting on a line that didn't move for an hour and a half was not my idea of fun. I pitied the people who arrived at around that time as the line had wrapped around the basketball court and was now at the entrance to the gym. I can only imagine how long they'd be there.

Just as we were second or third in line to go next, order seemed to break down. The guy at the door allowed a group of 16 to go through then three people (two adults and a small child) that had been trying to creep ahead all along somehow got in front with a "We're with them" line and was allowed to go ahead. That didn't sit well with my wife or the woman behind us and they started complaining to the doorman who I sort of felt sorry for. He looked like he genuinely didn't know what to do. But then he left his spot at the door and went outside. So now the line started pressing up against the door and it looked like it would just be a mad dash for the exits with everyone elbowing their way to the front.

My wife went outside and complained again to the doorman who was talking with another event organizer. They ended up calling a police officer over who agreed those three line jumpers wouldn't be going ahead of anyone at which time I was allowed to jump ahead along with the woman and her family behind us. They squeezed us all into a wagon (with the group of 16) and the three who tried to go in front we delayed. They had been outside but I think the officer must have escorted them back in because they weren't on any of the wagons.

It was bound to get ugly because there wasn't enough space inside, the police line tapes they had set up to corral everyone was too flimsy and when one kid stepped on one the whol thing fell down. I wish I oculd have seen the mess that resulted in the aftermath.

Spolier alert!
Once on the haywagon, cramped as we were, I was willing to immerse myself in the haunt, even with the light rain that had begun falling. It was a ride of a few minutes to get to the old cemetary and it was then that I noticed a creepy woman sitting in costume right across from me holding a book. She said nothing until we approached the cemetary and then turned on a speaker that played haunting background music. She began reading what was the background story for this ride.

I really wasn't prepared for their interpretation of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. They did say it was a "unique" and "twisted adaptation." I should have been forewarned. Vam-pirates? Really? The story had to do with how some vampire pirates had landed in Sleepy Hollow, cut off some heads (including the Hessian horseman's), took a necklace from his wife (I think) after beheading her, but somehow lost it. It was only found later by Ichabod Crane who ended up giving it to Katrina Van Tassel. That apparently irked the now-Headless Horseman who pursued Ichabod.

Okay, that was bad enough, but despite a ride through the cemetary no landmarks were pointed out. This was supposedly the same route that Ichabod Crane had run in the story, but at no time was that highlighted during the ride. Further, because we were driving through an actual cemetary, proper respect for those buried there was otherwise maintained. Which meant no props or lights were visible. Interesting, but since you could barely make out even the headstones, it was just like we were taking a ride in the dark (in the rain) with a woman reading us a preposterous story.

At some point we cross a bridge. Now even though I believe the original bridge Crane was said to have crossed no longer exists, they could have made some reference to the bridge. Heck, most people probably wouldn't have even known it wasn't the real one. It would have made the trip at least more relevant to the whole legend.

After cross the bridge we must have exited the cemetery proper because I could see lighted props ahead. Well, I could see until the pickup truck towing us stepped on the brakes every few seconds and then I was blinded. It was tough to see anything. The set was then various Halloween type torture props with actors in period costumes (again zombified) jumping out here and there yelling "Yaaah!"

Some of the props looked cool and a few of the tombstones they had set up and lit looked really good. I did notice a large gargoyle which I thought would look pretty cool in my own graveyard and there was a PumpkinRot-type character walking around. The leering pumpkin head was actually pretty cool, and standing about 8' or 9' tall was scary for some of the kids on the ride. I liked the effect until the actor turned and in the lights of the trailer I could see it the facade that had set it up: he was wearing a football helmet and had some sort of PVC structure underneath. It ruined the effect.

At the very end you finally got to see the Headless Horseman. Barely. He was sitting in the woods and eventually made it up to the road after the wagon had passed but it was so dark and he was all in black it was all you could do to see the (unlit) pumpkin he held in his hands. And then it was over. We pulled out into a residential street.

The funniest part was that one house along the road we now traveled on was decorated for Halloween and the owner dressed in a witches costume and stood on her porch as we road by and called out to us in a witchy voice while stirring a cauldron. Nice that at least one resident got into the spirit of the season and the event. I'm sure she was part of the official show.

In all, it wasn't worth the time or money ($20 a ticket) spent. The wait was too long, the backstory created was ridiculous -- I mean we're in Sleepy Hollow, hew to the damn storyline; you've got a town made for this! -- the part of the ride intended to build suspense didn't because it was simply pitch black, and the sets used were simply mundane Halloween ones. Even the big payoff, the Headless Horseman, was a disappointment.

It was all just too much to be able to recommend this haunt to anyone. Certainly not for $20 a ticket. Had it been half the cost it would have been fine and I might have even tolerated the long wait to go. But when you're paying high prices and forced to cool your heels for interminable periods, it was unacceptable for the level of haunting they brought.

I won't go back, I can assure you, and next year will go a little further up the Hudson River to another "Sleepy Hollow" haunt that holds the promise of a whole haunted village. At $30 Ulster Park, NY's, Headless Horseman Hayride doesn't sound cheap, but it seems to offer a far more immersive experience.

In short, avoid Sleepy Hollow as if the Headless Horseman still roamed the hills there.

Rich

Spookytown

After reading an article about a local haunter in Springfield, NJ (or thereabouts) who said a local "Spookytown" Halloween store was his favorite place to buy props, I was happy to learn there was one open in Paramus and decided to drive there to check it out.

It seemed bigger than a lot of the Spirit Halloween stores I have been in and carried a lot more props (though the Spirit in Little Falls does have quite a bunch). I'm really not into costumes, and dislike that three quarters of the stores -- regardless of the names on the sign out front -- carry tons of them. Maybe it's because even before I really got into yard haunting that I was always more impressed with hand-made costumes than store bought. There is so little creativity displayed in a store bought costue for the most part. Maybe I just had some innate attraction to the props that was looking for an outlet to express themselves.

What I did discovery at Spookytown (and everytime I say that name I think of the song Funky Town, it drives me nuts!) was that they are expensive with a capital X. Yee-hah! Even simply masks were $40 or more. But the props seemed outrageously priced. Although I appreciated the sign that said everything in the store was for sale, it would have to be a well-heeled customer to pay those prices. I'm hoping the $1700 on the drum set at the front of the store included all the band member skeletons on the display and not just the drummer. I also would have liked to have seen it in action.

Perhaps the highlight of the visit though was to the back area where a pretty, buxom girl in a very tight, low cut shirt wearing a coordinating very short skirt felt the need to climb up on a ladder to get something off a shelf. I liked it when she called over the one guy working in the area to "spot" the ladder. Without question his view was improved!

I was surprised really at the cost of everything though. Raven props that I got at Spirit for $8, were on sale at Spookytown for $20. A somewhat anatomically correct skeleton that stood only about 4 feet high went for $100. I think you can get an actual anatomically correct skeleton from some skeleton company (AAC? I forget its name at the moment) for the same price just about, and it's about 6 feet tall.

They had different props than I've seen elsewhere, though much of the same too. Considering the prices I can't imagine my buying anything from them, though the show that was put on might make it worthwhile for a return trip!

Rich

Review: Macabre Manor in Keyport

I'm not much of a fan of haunted hayrides, but I do enjoy haunted houses (go figure). Tonight I went to Keyport, NJ, for a haunt called the Macabre Manor held in an old Jersey Central Power & Light building. And in case you're wondering because of the picture, there's no "Macabre Manor" sign on the outside.

Keyport apparently had just finished having a street festival and it was breaking down when I arrived for the haunt. There were quite a few kids hovering in the area and I was a little worried it was going to be overrun with their antics, but order was well maintained by the boys in blue who were on assignment.

Outside they had a fogger working up a good mist, but the cool October breeze kept blowing it away. A few actors worked the crowd, including the obligatory chainsaw guy (who did get the girls to scream a lot) and some creepy looking characters. They even had a kid zombie working the line. I liked the big-headed coachman with his razor like teeth. It provided good entertainment while waiting for the doors to open.

I was able to be right at the front of the line and got to go in first when the host looked for a party of two to fill out a group of six. The Manor is a one-level haunt (I was only slightly disappointed) but they offered good atmosphere, some excellent prop work, and even a good scare or two (not for me, but for my wife). I was pretty much engrossed looking at all of the props, trying to steal ideas.

I found the best part of the walk-thru to be the cemetary area, complete with dirt floor. They channeled you through a narrow corridor with some twists and turns, but the lighting (blue) and the scenery (some animatronics and one live actor to scare) was engaging.

The operating room was fun too. I'm sure I'm not revealing any secrets to note they had a live actor with his head and arms through a table where a torso with guts spewing out was on a table. The surgeon gave a nice little talk to the six of us, then proceeded to whack the heck out of the torso which sprayed us all with "blood." Good effect and had the three girls in the group screaming. The little kid who was carried by his father and had been a trouper throughout started bawling when that scene finished.

For just $10 it was a very reasonable price for the entertainment received. Speaking of entertainment, they gave a two-trick magic show as part of the haunt. While I wasn't sure if I should clap or not when the performance was over (I did), it was entertaining nonetheless.

In all, the Macabre Manor was a haunt worth visiting.

Rich