Some Things Are Better Off Dead

Or at least staying dead. While I agree some people need a brain transplant, I'm not sure doing so to resurrect the dead is the best option.

The dead should stay dead

This company says it will have the capabilities to bring back the dead by 2045 by performing brain transplants into bionic bodies. I'm not sure I understand the fascination with living forever. While I'm not ready to go just yet (I got a lot more vlogs to do and my first walk-thru haunt this year), I definitely don't want to stretch out my existence. I think living to 100 is bad enough let alone forever.

Meadowlands Zombie Walk

While I'm typically nonplussed about zombie walks -- I really don't get the point though I know a lot of haunters enjoy them -- the Meadowlands State Fair will be hosting one this Friday, June 29, from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. (that's a lot of shambling to do).

While you're free to zombify yourself, they will have makeup artists on hand to do the job for you for a fee: basic zombie is $15, deluxe $20, and extreme $25. Of course, since it's going to be held at night how much is anyone going to see the makeup anyway. Can this be good?

But it goes to show how popular zombies  have become today and now permeate our society. While I might not be into zombie walks, I do appreciate anything that helps spread the virus.

Zombie Max

It's been a heckuva week for zombies. There's been an outbreak of cannibalism all across the country with people threatening to chew off a hunk of flesh, attempting to, and in several cases actually doing so. The so-called "zombie attack" in Miami has only been the most publicized.

But we now have a weapon. Ammunition maker Hornady Manufacturing has available Zombie Max bullets that are available in .380 ca. auto, 9 mm, .40 ca. Smith & Wesson, and .45 ca. auto. From the Cabela's website where you can buy a box of 20 rounds for less than $20, the green tipped bullets even come with tips for surviving the zombie apocalypse:

Lock ’n load with Zombie Max. From Hornady’s Z-Max "Zombie" green-tip bullets to the "zombie-apocalypse survival tips" on the box, this ammo is sure to start fun conversations. Even better, its top-quality Hornady components ensure accuracy and smooth cycling through semiautomatic firearms.

Now you can be prepared for the end of the world in real shoot-'em up style!

More Signs of the Apocalypse

As bizarre and disturbing as the zombie attack in Miami was the other day, it's not as isolated an incident as you might suspect. The Daily Beast has put together a map showing there has been a rash of attacks that are happening around the country. Actually, it seems concentrated along the East Coast at the moment.

By the way, in case you haven't seen it before, that's purportedly the face of the zombie attack victim Ronald Poppo.

If you go to the article, the actual map is hyperlinked and you can read about the actual incidents. However, they have left off a couple (when the apocalypse starts spreading, these things can increase exponentially) such as the case in Hackensack, NJ, where a man threw his intestines at police (even Time calls it a Zombie alert?!).

[EDIT: I see the map has been updated to include the Hackensack attack now.]

I do note that it was pointed out by an acquaintance it may not be a zombie outbreak we're experiencing, but in fact is a Wendigo that has been loosed upon us.

According to the esteemed Wikipedia, a Wendigo "is a mythical creature appearing in the mythology of the Algonquian people. It is a malevolent cannibalistic spirit into which humans could transform, or which could possess humans."

Although it could very well be two sides of the same coin -- popular culture may have missed that zombies are not necessarily only the dead coming back to life, but rather is a mass possession of humanity by a Wendigo -- it would appear there is some wickedness afoot, and rather suddenly too.

Zombie Fitness

To me, jogging is slightly worse than having my wisdom teeth pulled without Novocaine. However, when a new zombie app hits the Android marketplace sometime soon I may no longer have an excuse. Or have the need to go looking for one.

"Zombies, Run!" is an app designed to make running fun. You're living in a post-apocalyptic world where zombies have risen and are looking to feed on your brains. Your goal is to help keep your base camp well supplied and while you're out running you're sent off on a mission to find supplies and gear to keep your people stocked.

"You’re Runner 5. Hundreds of lives are counting on you. You've got to help your base rebuild from the ruins of civilization by collecting critical supplies while avoiding roving zombie hordes. Can you save them and learn the truth about the zombie apocalypse?"

You load up your mp3 player with your favorite songs and in between tracks you get your mission information, along with news reports on where zombies are and if you're about to run into a horde of them. Once you finish running, you load your data into the app and it keeps track of how well you're completing your missions. You learn more about the world you live in and as you succeed in finding medical supplies or tools you're able to attract more people to live in your base camp.

Currently the game is available only for the iPhone, but the developers have been promising one for Android phones "this Spring!" We better get it soon, otherwise it will be summer.

While I think it would be really cool if an app developer would combine an adventure game like this with Google Maps so that the actual streets you're running on would be used to plot your path -- "Main Street is coming up on your right but don't go that way, it's filled with zombies! -- this seems like a fun diversion that could make getting in shape a lot more tolerable for the perpetually lazy like me.

Map of the Dead

An awesome new service is available to help the hapless survive the coming zombie apocalypse. Called the Map of the Dead, it is an interactive map that will show you where the danger zones are across the country and where you can get the necessary equipment and supplies to make it through the End of Times.

For example, my area is apparently one that would be heavily infested with zombies, but as the screen cap shows, I have an Army National Guard unit close by, along with sporting goods stores, a gun shop, and grocery stores. It also highlights potential zombie breeding grounds by identifying local cemeteries.

According to the service, the purpose of the project is to help you find places near you that are likely to have resources to help you survive the zombie apocalypse. Or places to avoid. And while it admits the Internet will likely be down when the world is coming to an end, it recommends using the handy print feature to have a hard copy on hand.

Built by doejo, it notes that more man-made structures an area has the greater the likelihood of danger from large pockets of zombies. It would behoove you to move yourself to more open, rural areas...though as The Walking Dead has shown, even that can't save you from a herd. Before that happens though, now would be a good time to peruse the map and plan accordingly.

Zombies, aaaah!

No, not the (cheesy) movie, but rather a "documentary" on the living dead. Tonight on History Channel's H2 channel -- what used to be called History International (but I guess that didn't attract enough viewers, though I wonder how many realize when going through the program guide what "H2" is) -- they'll be running "Zombies: A Living History."

Going back to Medieval Europe's dance with death known as the Black Plague, the shows how the period exploded with zombie myths. It also explores Viking beliefs of decapitation as being the only means of truly killing a zombie, thus predating George Romero's head shot. It will also travel to China and Haiti examining their zombie traditions. World War Z's Max Brooks is featured as well as authors Jonathan Mayberry, Scott Scholzmann, and J.L. Bourne.

Seems like a fun historical look at what may at times appear to be just a modern phenomenon. I believe it first ran last October, though I missed it then. I'll make sure to tune in tonight.

Happy Zombie New Year

Although I now consider November 1 the official haunter's New Year, for those of you still going by the Gregorian calendar, Happy New Year. May it be filled with lots of the undead.

But since we're talking calendars here, you better make 2012's Halloween your best ever, because if you follow an even older calendar, the Mayan Long Count calendar, December 21, 2012 will be the end of the world. That means there are but 355 days to go.

While mystics and crazy people see upheaval, towers falling, and oceans rising, maybe the end of the world is really a zombie outbreak. We can always hope.

Happy New Year!

Happy Thanksgiving

Walking Dead Three-peat

Good news, Walking Dead fans: AMC just announced the hit show has been picked up for a third season. Apparently the first two episodes of Season 2 were such blockbusters in terms of the all important 18-49 year old demographic that they wanted to keep it going.

The AMC announcement said that the October 16 premier set a new basic cable record for viewers, scoring a 4.8 household rating and 7.3 million total viewers (I was one of them).

No doubt they got their money's worth out of the show. Was anyone else annoyed by all the commercials? I liked how the opening sequence went on for extra long, but AMC made up for it by seemingly cramming commercials in every 5 minutes.

Regardless, I enjoyed both episodes so far but hope they keep the advertising to normal lengths going forward. Sure they want to pay the bills, but the interruptions really spoil the flow. In anticipation of the show's return I had watched all six Season 1 episodes on Netflix and it was a pleasure not getting interrupted with commercials all the time.

But it's good to know that the series is making a big impact with viewers, enough that the studio wants to greenlight more of them.

Ahhhh! Zombies!

Earlier this year I wrote that zombies are everywhere these days, no more so than now with the return of The Walking Dead. First episode of season 2 was pretty gripping stuff (but could they have crammed in any more commercials?!).

As Halloween approaches, though, expect to see more zombies rise from the grave. Social media game make Majesco Entertainment is bringing out Pet Zombies for the Nintendo 3DS. Heh! I like their tag line: Sit. Stay. Be dead."

Now at first I thought this was literally about pet zombies, you know, dogs, cats, your goldfish, but it's more along the lines of the movie "Fido" where everyone had their own zombies to do their bidding.

According to the press release:

"Reanimate your very own customizable zombies that you can play with, care for, or torment in a variety of environments where they can shamble, shuffle and lurch. Form a bond with your zombie by providing it with food, toys, and entertainment. Pet Zombies offers lots of gory effects and games to keep players fully entertained and challenged. Customize your zombie to look as grotesque and scary as you desire. It's your pet, your rules, however twisted they may be."

I like the fact that you can "customize" your zombie, everything from facial deformations and decay to clothing and un-lockable items. And apparently if you neglect your zombie, he'll be more than willing to eat off a finger or your braaains! No word yet if that will turn you into a zombie as well.

Zombiewear

During the day I'm a mild mannered investment writer (you can see my articles by clicking the Motley Fool link there over on the right), but after noon I turn into a full-fledged home haunter. Okay, maybe half-fledged.

However, today while researching a company, I came across an Associated Press story discussing retail same store sales. Comps, as they're known in the business (for "comparables"), are an important metric for companies because it lets investors know what kind of growth they're getting from actually running their business and not buying up competitors or opening new stores.

They listed the September comps for The Gap (down 4%), The Buckle (up 13%), TJX (+4%), and a company I never heard of before -- Zombies Inc. (same store sales were up 10.1%).

I can't decide whether the writer was just being cheeky, it being October and all, or whether this is a real company. I have a number of resources available to me to research businesses, and none of them list Zombies Inc. as a business. I found a Triathlete Zombie Inc. (a bike shop), a band called Zombie Inc., and a video game developer, also going by Zombie Inc. (but also known as Zombie Studios), but no clothing retailer called that.

The funny thing is, a bunch of other media outlets picked up the AP story and ran it verbatim, Zombie Inc. reference and all (if you think the media aren't just sheep, think again).

Now I do think the reporter was just having some fun -- I can't imagine a business named that would go unnoticed for so long -- but in the event I've missed a new retail outlet, please let me know.

Bicycle Girl

Like many people, I became an instant fan of the TV series The Walking Dead after it premiered on AMC last October. It's been a long wait for the second season, but it's set to air on October 16. Count me amongst those eagerly anticipating its return.

However, there's an interesting side project being developed, a six-episode series surrounding Bicycle Girl, the half zombie dragging herself across the ground that Rick Grimes meets when he first gets out of the hospital.

The webisodes, to be shown on AMC's website, will follow Bicycle Girl's life prior to her zombification up until the point she is dispatched by Grimes. Best yet, it will start this coming Monday, October 3. I'll be tuning in for certain!

Below is a time-lapse session of the actress getting into her Bicycle Girl makeup.

The Snack Bar is Killer Too

Next time you and your friends want to go knock down some pins, you might want to consider doing it like these guys in Germany did, bowling with severed heads.

Well, not really, but they spray painted some awesome graphics on bowling bowls to resemble severed heads and they look really cool. Done for Germany's No. 1 horror TV channel, 13th Street, spraygun artist Oliver Paass took three weeks to create some really unique, full 360-degree bowling ball designs. In some cases you hold the ball by an eye socket, in others by a nostril or the mouth. Zombie bowling balls are definitely cool. I want one!


13th STREET – Bowlingheads (Case Video) from RUOK on Vimeo.


Kind of reminds me of that old joke, how can you tell lepers are playing hockey? There's a face off on the ice. For more design images, check them out here.

The Holy Zombie

"For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve." (1 Corinthians 15:1-5)

While the resurrection of Jesus is the most famous reanimation that occurs in the Bible, there are eight specific instances of the dead being brought back to life that occur in the Scriptures. Some, like Lazarus, are brought about by Jesus's hand, but others earlier on in the Old Testament occur because God wills it. Afterwards, even his disciples bring the dead back to life.

Moreover, it can be argued that Jesus's resurrection was not the singular occurrence it's been portrayed, but was really part of the first mass zombie outbreak.

The first reanimation of a corpse occurs in the Book of Kings with Elijah and the widow's son:

"And he cried unto the Lord, and said, O Lord my God, hast thou also brought evil upon the widow with whom I sojourn, by slaying her son? And he stretch himself upon the child three times, and cried unto the Lord, and said, O Lord my God, I pray thee, let this child's soul come into him again. And the Lord heard the voice of Elijah; and the soul of the child came into him again, and he revived." (1 Kings 17:20-22)

The other seven instances are as follows:

• Elisha and the son of the Shunammite woman (2 Kings 4:34-37) -- which could also be a pretty good description of necrophilia too
• The dead man that touched the bones of Elisha (2 Kings 13:21)
• The widow of Nain's son (Luke 7:12-15)
• The synagogue leader's daughter (Luke 8:51-55)
• Lazarus (John 11:38-44)
• Tabitha, also called Dorcas (Acts 9:37-41)
• Eutychus (Acts 20:9-12)

Resurrection of Lazarus

However, the first great zombie outbreak occurs when Jesus was nailed to the cross and died.

"And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose; and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many." (Matthew 27:51-53)

So as you sit down to your Easter dinner tomorrow, reflect upon how what is being celebrated is a time when the dead arose and walked the earth. The reanimation of corpses is an event that occurred numerous times throughout the Bible, whether it was done by the hand of God, Jesus, or one of his disciples. Yet it was the death of Jesus that coincided with the first reported zombie epidemic.

Happy Easter!

Zombie Love

There was tulip mania. There was the Nifty Fifty. We had the tech bubble, the housing bubble, and Beanie Baby mania. I think we're in the middle of a "Zombie Bubble."

Don't get me wrong, I love zombies (and I find the Zombie Research Society a humorous outpost), but this sudden explosion of zombie-ism means it's going to crash faster than you can say "penny stock." Maybe it's being spawned by the success of The Walking Dead, but I was in Barnes & Noble last night and there was a plethora of zombie lit on the shelves. And not just books like World War Z and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, it was an infestation of zombie love books.

"Everybody Eats Somebody Sometime: A Book of Zombie Love Songs." Really? There's also "Hungry for Your Love: An Anthology of Zombie Romance," "Dark Love," "Love is Dead," and "Zombie Love" (though "Zombie Bitches from Hell" sounds like my house).

I checked on B&N's website just now and there are over 700 hits for zombie titles. Sure, some are repeats, but I'm not sure there's been another time where we've been so infatuated with the undead. Most, of course, look they're crap, but some actually look interesting as if they'd hold my attention for more than five minutes. Most having been written between 2009 and today, it's obviously a sudden flare up of zombie adoration. My concern is that just as quickly it will die out and not be resurrected again for some time. If we could just get rid of all the goofball titles I'd be happy.

Inside the Zombie Brain

What makes a zombie tick? Why does a decaying body reanimate -- but not brain function, except for an overwhelming desire to eat non-dead human flesh?

If these questions have been rotting a hole in your (non-zombified) brain, then get yourself over to Nerd Nite in San Francisco, where the Zombie Research Society's Dr. Bradley Voytek, a real-life neuroscientist at UCLA - Berkeley, and Dr. Timothy Verstynen, another neuroscientist at the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition in Pittsburgh, will discuss the leading research into what makes a zombie a zombie.

The talk is titled "Scanning the Zombie Brain" and will consist of 50% academic "what-if" and 50% tongue-in-cheek critique of the methods of modern neuroscience.

Nerd Nite is being held on Wednesday, January 19, at Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell St. and Van Ness, San Francisco.

This is the kind of information we need to know, particularly since the zombie apocalypse is becoming an all-too real possibility.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It wasn't turkey they were eating at the first Thanksgiving.

Source

A Zombie Ate My Brain

Imagine my chagrin the other night when I stayed up till midnight to watch the first episode of the mini-series Dead Set only to find out that the IFC channel it's running on comes with a higher premium package than what I have with Cablevision. It was just one of those things that I assumed I had and never bothered to check. Apparently I have no brain. Maybe a zombie ate it.

I'm pretty sure the episodes are available on the Internet somewhere, so now I'll just have to hook up my laptop to the TV to watch them. The benefit of that is I don't have to stay up to midnight to watch it, and I don't have to worry about it interfering with my party on Friday.

In a related entertainment note, The Washington Post has an article running today on five (count 'em! five) new books about zombies.

"No less an authority than Stephen King has proclaimed that in a quest for world domination between zombies and vampires, zombies win."

I concur. Unfortunately for me, the books are more humorous than "real." As I've said before, I'm not a fan of humor in my zombie world (though I did like "Shaun of the Dead") so I probably won't be picking up any of the books with titles like "Night of the Living Trekkies," "The Zombies of Lake Woebegotten," and "Married With Zombies."

What I might check out is "33 A.D.," a story about the crucifixion of Jesus. While I initially thought it was suggested that Jesus was a vampire, it turns out one of his followers is and an order of vampire elders is sent to dispatch them both. As the promo for the book states, "killing them should be easy."

While its available on Amazon for around $11, it's available for the Kindle for less than $3. I don't have a Kindle, but I do have the Kindle for Mac application. It lets you download books to your computer and read them. There are many e-books you can get for free as well. Usually I prefer holding a book in my hand -- reading a story on the computer isn't quite the same -- but I might check it out anyway.

I recall reading one time that Jesus and the Resurrection are proof that zombies do exist, which gives me a reason to perhaps spread my haunt to Easter too. Now that would have been a more interesting book: Jesus as a zombie.

I'm Dead Set For It

There's been a lot of discussion about the new TV series "The Walking Dead" due to premier on October 31 at 10 p.m. on AMC, but I haven't heard mention of another show that's coming out on the 25th and will broadcast for five straight nights through the 29th: "Dead Set."

Apparently this was a British TV show that first aired back in 2008, but is only now making its way across the pond to the U.S. The mini-series tells the story of the only people who've survived a zombie contagion: the contestants holed up in the house of the game show Big Brother.

According to About.com:

"Britain has been hit by an epic problem. The dead are returning to life and attacking the living. Within two days, 80 percent of the population is dead. Few people remain who aren't worried about this living nightmare: the remaining contestants in the reality TV game show 'Big Brother.' Cocooned in the safety of the Big Brother house, they're blissfully unaware of the horrific events unfolding in the outside world...until eviction night when the walking dead descend on the studio."

Now as cheesy as that sounds, the trailer for it actually looks pretty good:

There is one dilemma though: if you miss any of the episodes they're going to be broadcast back-to-back at a later time. Great right? Except it's on Halloween night, beginning at 8:00 p.m. Aside from interfering with trick-or-treaters, it would also run into the premier of The Walking Dead. 

Dead Set is going to be airing on the IFC channel. I have Cablevision, so for me here in northern New Jersey, that would be Channel 83 or in hi-def on Channel 783. You can find out if you have IFC on your cable or satellite provider here.

Of course, my Halloween party is also on the 29th and starts at 7:00 p.m. which presumably means I'd miss the last episode. What's a haunter to do? Probably ignore my guests and watch the end of the show!